Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
