i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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