Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
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