i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
