I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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