better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
