you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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