I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
