Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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