I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
