she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
