my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sext me about skeletons
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