STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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