All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
