No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
