apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
