pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
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