My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
