Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
