There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
