Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
