Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
