Just fell off a train. Bad.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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