Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
