Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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