I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
