This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
