her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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