I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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