Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
