i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
