remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
