at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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