guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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