You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
