As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
i believe in u and ur pee
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
