Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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