She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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