I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
