Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
