Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You ate ashes out of my bong
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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