And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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