I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
my liver is dry heaving
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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