Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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