Im at strip club and am horny
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
