I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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