booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
