we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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