can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
