like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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