What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
