ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
