do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
