I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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