it was like his penis was on wheels.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
