there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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