So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
