I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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