I smell stomach acid.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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